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TWENTY THINGS ONLY A FLATMATE WOULD KNOW
(as requested in q/7053680)
1. I have a tradition of using purple toothbrushes.
2. I drink my coffee black. The worse my mood, the more
bitter it'll be. A sugar cube means a good day.
3. I will walk around the house with your hoodie, a blanket,
and a quilt, and you will deal with it.
4. No situation is too awkward to crack bad sexual jokes.
Never bring a partner home. I will humiliate the
both of you; it's how I show affection.
5. If you catch me cackling at cartoons at four in the morning,
don't bring it up at breakfast. Odds are I'm too tired
and grumpy for your shxt, and I will glare at you until
one of us has to leave.
6. Speaking of which, just because I'm looking at you
and not smiling doesn't mean I'm glaring. I just have
sharp eyes. I'm not glaring at you. I'm not glaring
7. I will come and flop on your bed and moan until you pay
attention to me.
8. I will leave dinosaur and space nerd stuff all over the
place and get genuinely furious when you try to touch
9. I will pretend I can cook. You will have to do damage
control. And lie and tell me I did a good job.
10. I'm pain-in-the-axs obnoxious about 'my
seat' at the kitchen table.
11. Yes, I need twenty bottles in the shower. No, I won't
use one at the time. Variety is the spice of life, okay.
12. I'll make a big deal of the little puff of steam
the kettle makes after you pour a hot drink, and tell you to
shut up if you teasingly point it out.
13. Sometimes I start crying late at night and will stubbornly
refuse to tell you why in the morning.
14. I snack on biscuits at 2am. Hide your stash.
15. Listening to dark secrets, giving advice, and comforting
people as they cry is one of my secret talents.
16. It will take me a long time to tell you I don't
know where the bus station is. A lot of patience is required
with peopele this stubborn.
17. I will eat the leftovers. Always.
18. I love comfortable silences and hanging upside down off
the sofa. Best served together.
19. I'm an insecure little shxt and will probably ask you
monthly 'do you want to move out? You hate living with me,
it's okay, I know.'
20. I have to sing Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde to psyche
myself up before I rip off a wax strip. Don't laugh at me
or I'll end you.