She created a place
in her mind after everything bad happened as a child, this place in
her mind said to her that she was okay. After something else
happened the place in her mind was no longer good for her, instead
it haunted her.
She lost herself. emotionless to somethings that vary, putting a
facade on to show that she's happy and feeling fine, when
((He is a different story. )) He used to
make her feel even better and that she was kind of loved
and that she had hope for the future, that she wanted to spend
the future alive. Now she's not really sure what's next,
but the thoughts of him gets her overwhelmed. Happy, sad and
angry. One moment, she would be happy, that it's done, ended
and the next she is sad at the fact she was never really loved.
Anger comes in when he couldn't tell her who he really is and
what he's like. It's a cycle of all these emotions for
the past couple of days and nights.
She questions whether he is a physcopath or whether he actually
loved her. It's hard for her to believe that he never loved
her, the amount of times he told her convinced her. Then the
thoughts of him telling another girl the same thing flood in,
which just proves to her. She used to think of telling him that
no one will ever love him as much as she did, but this girl
probably does which pains her.
She feels so very numb when she's by herself, she's
trying to find herself but it's quite impossible when
she's just thinking of him. She knows she's supposed to
do well this year, really well. But she's not in the right
place and she doesn't think she will ever be. It's only 9
days into this year she wishes she could rewind it to the start
of the year so she could hear him say he loved her even if he
She didn't want to do what she did but she didn't think
he would ever understand, so maybe now he will see.