xxxICHIGO

"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?" She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

*not mine, found somewhere on the internet :D

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An American, a Japanese, and a Jamaican were sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American presses his
forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.
“That’s my pager,” he says. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear.
When he finishes he explains, “That’s my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”
The Jamaican, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone,
decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps
out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper
hanging from his butt.
The others raised their eyebrows and said, “Wow! What’s that?”

“I’m getting a Fax,” he explains.