Last night I was seriously so close to actually killing
myself.
My older siblings were gone out with friends, and my dad was out picking up my little brother from his friend's house. I was alone. I had written a goodbye quote on Witty (which I've now deleted). We have this big coat-hanger kind of thing, and I managed to drag it to my room. I had rope, I put it around my neck and tied it to the coat hanger while standing on a chair. All I needed to do was step off the chair and I'd be gone. But I didn't. I stood there for 5 minutes before untying the rope and getting down. I stayed up all night thinking about it.. I still don't know why I didn't just let myself hang when I had the chance.
My older siblings were gone out with friends, and my dad was out picking up my little brother from his friend's house. I was alone. I had written a goodbye quote on Witty (which I've now deleted). We have this big coat-hanger kind of thing, and I managed to drag it to my room. I had rope, I put it around my neck and tied it to the coat hanger while standing on a chair. All I needed to do was step off the chair and I'd be gone. But I didn't. I stood there for 5 minutes before untying the rope and getting down. I stayed up all night thinking about it.. I still don't know why I didn't just let myself hang when I had the chance.
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Your not alone, I really hope you know that. I know people say the same shxxt all the time, but it's kinda true. Whenever I'm thinking about killing myself, I just think about who would find me, what they would do, and how they would feel.
it's kinda putting myself into a guilt trip, but it works.
Life is worth living. I've been to some pretty dark places, where life just doesn't seem worth it anymore and all you want to do is just give up. But it gets better. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. It's going to take a while, yes, and some days, you're going to feel like sh#t. But your deserve to live. Everyone does. And things are going to be good for you one day. You've got to hold strong to the fact that this storm that's going on in your life, it can't last forever. You WILL be okay. A very wise friend of mine once told me to things. First: The only one who can save you is yourself. And he's right. You've got to have the determination, and the will. You've got to tell yourself things get better. Secondly, he told me that self harm and suicide were only out of blindness. It's hard, sometimes, to see the other options. But you need to. Talk to someone. Write poetry. Take up an instrument, sing, draw, doodle, whatever it is that makes you smile. And know that whatever comes after this will be good. After the storm there comes a rainbow, right? I know, I know. How can a rainbow make up for the destruction caused by a hurricane? Because it reminds you that there is beauty in life. Some day, you might do something great, like invent a cure for cancer, or save someone's life. Maybe you'll get married to a beautiful woman and have kids, live a normal life. But those kids that you may have in the future, whatever you're meant to do, none of that can happen if you kill yourself. Stay strong. You're meant to be here. You've got a purpose in life. Things will be okay. I promise. You've just got to let them. And remember, you deserve to live. Stay strong. I believe in you, and from the looks of it, so do a lot of other people, and we all hope you decide to stay alive. And know we're all here for you, if you need to talk. Things are going to be better. Just have faith.
It's people like you that inspire me.
I mean I've read all your quotes and it is pretty clear
that you don't have the most perfect life, and
with you being as strong as you are,
you are able to go through with it :)
Lot of Love
-Sandy