ReasonsToLive

RAISE AWARENESS


PLEASE FOLLOW.
http://livingwithbipolar.tumblr.com/
http://livingwithbipolar.tumblr.com/
http://livingwithbipolar.tumblr.com/
http://livingwithbipolar.tumblr.com/

I hope you read all this, because that would mean a lot to me (:
Okay, so when my parents split up when i was 6 or 7, i actually started having suicidal thoughts, and on my birthday's i would wish that my parents would get back together, but obviously that didn't happen. And then when i was in primary school, like, everyone hated me and i had no idea why, and i never cared about the way I looked back then, and they would call me fat, and ugly... I did have a lot of weight then... And then my 'best friend' would write in my diary "I hate you" and some other stuff too but i don't remember what. And then when i came to secondary school in year 7, everything hit me. Everywhere I looked there would be these girls with foundation on their face, and they would all be skinnier than me, . And everytime I looked in the mirror i would just be like "EW EW EW" and so I started wearing makeup every single day, and I would stop eating, and my mum and dad found out and my dad would force feed me until I felt really sick, and then my 'best friends' mum was like "You need to eat me, your skin and bones!" And then i guess i started eating more, but everytime I gained a bit of weight I would freak out and then I would stop eating or I would eat less, and then i found out about self harm, and I thought that it would be the best way to take everything out, on me. 
And I hate when people say "looks don't matter" when in reality we all know it does. 
Anyways, i attempted suicide on 28th May 2010, and my mum caught me and she got so mad at me, and then on the 29th May, i got really sick. I would be sick after everything i ate and i would start panicking and then i would be sick even more and I was really confused, and then my mood swings got extremely worse and my thoughts were going crazy. And then my parents had this massive fight that included the police, and I just sat at home watching my mum being taken away in the police car, and i had to stay with my neighbour for the day and i went into school crying... And then my dad would bring up the subject about what happened almost every day, and it would drive me mad. 

And still today, everytime I gain weight i freak out.
There have been times when I don't know what to do and i wonder how the hell do i get through this? I know i sound like an attention seeker right now..
So tell me, how do I just 'get over it, its gone now. Be happy' when i'm pretty sure we both know, 
It's not that easy.
In reality we are practically being pressured into looking a certain way, and to act a certain way and we have to be a good size of weight.

I just wish that people would be happy with the way they looked, but that's not the way society works. 

I've been happy for over a week.
I don't want it to change, i wont let depression take over again,
It's taken me just under 4 years to get to where i am now.
Let's not stop it now.

H O P E   IS OUT THERE
 

I'm getting scared.  I think my bipolar is taking control again. 
For the last 2 days i've thought non-stop about self harm and suicide...
Everyone has a best friend, someone that saves them.
Who's going to save me?
I've tried to be strong for everyone,
And now im falling again.
And i will not go back to being hospitalized 
I miss being happy. 
-Vent

Boy, you give me b u t t e r f l  i e s deep inside.
:') 

READ THIS
everybody hurts someday.
everybody cries.
its okay to be afraid

Dont be afraid to show emotion when you need to.

"Baby your a firework"

Period pains make me want to cry and tear my hair out. ^_^