dyspathy

micheal. 
i miss you, so much. i love you. i keep placing these images in my head of you that night. the night that you got taken away from me. the night that changed my whole life. i keep thinking of your neck snapping, your body being torn apart. and it really, really makes me sick. you were my soulmate. sometimes i think of seeing you again. and sometimes i think of swallowing the pills, so i can actually see you again. i can't take this anymore. you were my everything. and i need you back. and i will do whatever it takes to see you again. my last words, are about you my love. i keep thinking of what was running through your head, as the car was flipping through the air. what your last words were. i can't breath anymore without you sharing the same oxygen. i love you.

is it that hard for you to accept the fact that for once, someone doesn't talk down to me, or think that im not good enough? but when someone talks bad about my brother your all over it. smh. i can't wait to get away from here. to see micheal again. but it's okay. because one day, i'm going to be succesful in my attempt to commit suicide. i hate you. you're a disgrace to the name "parent" .

if you really missed me like you say you do, you wouldn't let your girlfriend control you, and attempt to control me. you're my father. it's not my fault that i never see you anymore, it's yours and your stuck up girlfriend's. i'm done. i don't care anymore, my middle fingers are to the whole entire world. so, watch me as i drink this alcohol and puff on my cigeratte. because i just don't care anymore.

i'm done.
done letting you walk all over me.
done with you telling me what i can and cannot do
like i'm your child.
i'm you're girlfriend.
and you're going to start treating me like it.
or i'll be your exgirlfriend.

 

you just walked away like we had nothing.
like what we had meant nothing.
and that kills me.
i miss you.
 

• click to see this quote •

and this time
i think i'm the one to blame.
but i just..
i wanted to say i'm sorry.
 

i'm so tired of being here.
supressed, by all of my childish fears.
and if you have to leave,
i wish that you would just leave.
because your presence still lingers here.
& it won't leave me alone..
these wounds won't seem to heal.
this pain...is just to real.
 

Micheal.
i miss you, so much.
i don't understan why, you had to be taken away too.
in such a short period of time, after kevin.
or at all.
i miss you're sweet words.
how you could make anything and everything better.
how you were so down to earth.
how we had the same problems, and helped each other.
i'm so sorry for everything that i've done to you.
you didnt deserve it.
and i didn't deserve you.
you were amazing micheal, no one could compare.
i feel empty without you and kevin here.the only two people i could trust.
the only two people i could talk to.
last night, i was going to kill myself.
and make sure it worked this time.
but courtney stopped me.
i'm so ready to just leave here...and be with you two again.
i've got this emptyness in me that just won't go away.
i'll see you soon.. i love you.
<3
 

Kevin.
i miss you...so much.
i keep asking why, why that had to happen to you.
why shane did what he did.
i keep playing the scene over and over in my head.
even though i wasn't there.
i picture it in my mind, all the time.
you're reaction.
if you were last, or first.
there were so many things i hadn't told you.
so many things you needed to know.
so many things you'll never know now.
you were my first true love.
and you were taken away from me..
just.like.that..
i love you, kevin.