I can't listen to any song without thinking about him and

I can't listen to any song without thinking about him and tears coming to my eyes. the worst part is it's not my most recent breakup that i'm still upset about. i'm still upset over a guy breaking up with me in July. And I got broken up with about a week ago again. I never stopped loving the first guy. I have to see him every day and know that he'll never be mine again. It hurts like hell and I literally want to stab myself through the chest because that pain would be easier to deal with than the pain of not having him in my world.