If a writer falls in love with
you, you can never die.
❝People
are so vulnerable at night. They’re willing to spill
out their souls to anyone willing to listen. They have
desires to do things that never cross their mind when the sun
is in the
sky.
❝Be
the person your dog thinks you
are.
❝I like
the curve of a ballerina’s foot. I like when boys are
passionate about something and care about their mothers. I
like poems about coffee and fücking and love. I like
when I’m on the highway and I make eye contact with the
person speeding next to me. I like when I’m in the city
and I see someone taking pictures of skyscrapers; with their
necks arched back and their eyes lost in the view and their
mind on something wondrous. I like drinking wine with friends
and vodka with strangers. I like when my heart feels full
even if my wallet is empty. I like when people hold my hand
or lift me up. I like when someone offers me
something—anything—their
advice, to pay, their love, a hit. It’s a good feeling
to be excited for the future and proud of your past. To speak
to someone new and genuinely impress them. To leave something
better than it was before. To be charming just by being
yourself.
❝
i. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.
ii. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
iii. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come—get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed—you will think about the bus again.
iv. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
v. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
vi. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
vii. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway?
viii. When you feel the yearning for a new city—start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
ix. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
x. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See crappy local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live.
Wake up.
Live your life.
And love every moment of it.
❞
i. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.
ii. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
iii. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come—get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed—you will think about the bus again.
iv. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
v. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
vi. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
vii. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway?
viii. When you feel the yearning for a new city—start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
ix. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
x. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See crappy local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live.
Wake up.
Live your life.
And love every moment of it.
❞
❝Be
careful who you trust, the devil was once an
angel.
“
I
don’t regretthe things I’ve done,
I regret the things
I didn’t do when
I had the chance.
— unknown
❝2 a.m.
Sitting alone at the coffee table, in the dark, writing and
aching for you, while you are asleep in your own bed, far
from here. Dreaming of someone
else.
❝I was
starting to recover. But then you looked at me
again.
