deepdowninside
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Joined: May 24, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 302257
Joined: May 24, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 302257
42
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11 Followers
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139 Favorites
11 Following
11 Followers
1 Comment Point
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HI I'm Lindsey and I'm awkward. I stress too much, I cling to my friends way more than I should, I dream of moving far away and never coming back, and oh yes, I collect rubber duckies. I speak only in sarcasm and I laugh way too hard at bad jokes. I obsess over quotes and poems and songs and books. But only the good ones. I take way too long to get dressed in the morning, and I will not leave the house without my makeup on. I love cozy sweaters and hot chocolate and winter, but summer and spring is what I love best. I live within biking distance of the beach and I go there everyday in the summer. I'm crazy and hyper with my friends, but when I'm with people I don't feel completely comfortable around, I freeze up and I become the most boring person alive. I spend 99.9% of all my time on the internet in my room listening to my bedroom jams playlist on my lame ipod I got in the sixth grade. I'm turning sixteen on September 15 and I can't wait to drive. From that, you never would have guessed that I have anxiety issues... that I'm depressed. That I struggle with an eating disorder. That I have extreme family issues. Ha, neither do any of my friends or family. But I do. And I would love to talk to you about it, so please. Do me the favor of talking to me.
This is my secret witty by the way. I don't usually act this grumpy in my quotes (follow my other one: mooselinaturtle), but this is my grumpy/let me vent about the things I hate about life account.
(+) Ed Sheeran, T-Swizzle (slut or not, I like her music), , bows, American History (nerd alert), the beach, spring/summer, singing, Supernatural (JENSEN ACKLES AND JAR-PAD OMG OMG OMG I MIGHT PASS OUT ANY MOMENT), friends, organization, fashion, makeup, YOUTUBE.
(-) broccolli, asparagus, messy people, people who talk too much and too loud, people who .... well, just like 99% of all people. GOODBYE.
(+) Ed Sheeran, T-Swizzle (slut or not, I like her music), , bows, American History (nerd alert), the beach, spring/summer, singing, Supernatural (JENSEN ACKLES AND JAR-PAD OMG OMG OMG I MIGHT PASS OUT ANY MOMENT), friends, organization, fashion, makeup, YOUTUBE.
(-) broccolli, asparagus, messy people, people who talk too much and too loud, people who .... well, just like 99% of all people. GOODBYE.
Quotes by deepdowninside
I don't even know what normal is
anymore.
I'm not your f/cking
therapist.
I'm your daughter, god dammit.
I'm your daughter, god dammit.
Sh/t happens, I get that. But that
is what my whole life has become, and I am just so done with
it.
Life sucks.
I just feel like I've been going through the same crap for years and years, and I feel like it's never going to end. Not now, not when I finish school, not ever. I will laugh and smile with my friends, but as soon as I leave, I realize how messed up my life is. I'm not laughing and smiling on the inside. My life just seems like an utter mess, and there's nothing I'm going to be able to do about it. I'll never be pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, independent enough, nice enough, for anyone. I'm never going to be good enough for anyone, and I'm definitely never going to be good enough for myself.
I just feel like I've been going through the same crap for years and years, and I feel like it's never going to end. Not now, not when I finish school, not ever. I will laugh and smile with my friends, but as soon as I leave, I realize how messed up my life is. I'm not laughing and smiling on the inside. My life just seems like an utter mess, and there's nothing I'm going to be able to do about it. I'll never be pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, independent enough, nice enough, for anyone. I'm never going to be good enough for anyone, and I'm definitely never going to be good enough for myself.
I
don't know if I'm depressed or just growing
up.
My
sister took a handful of pills last
night.
She was having a meltdown, and all of a sudden, my parents rushed her somewhere and they wouldn't pick up their phones. My Dad came back a few hours later and told me that she had swallowed a handful of pills. That was all he said, and then he left. She was at the hospital until late last night, and she's going to a psychiatric hospital for up to a week. I don't even know what happened. They won't tell me. I just need someone to talk to right now.
She was having a meltdown, and all of a sudden, my parents rushed her somewhere and they wouldn't pick up their phones. My Dad came back a few hours later and told me that she had swallowed a handful of pills. That was all he said, and then he left. She was at the hospital until late last night, and she's going to a psychiatric hospital for up to a week. I don't even know what happened. They won't tell me. I just need someone to talk to right now.
Sometimes I think about what would
happen if I just told you the
truth...
&I wonder if you would even believe me.
&I wonder if you would even believe me.
I
just want things to be back to
normal.
....Back when I was happy.
....Back when I was happy.
I know
you.
You're the girl who was so happy, then crashed. You used to love life, trying new things, rolling on the floor laughing, but now you lock yourself in your room because you don't want to be with people. Your schedule is always empty, but when your friends call, you say you're too busy.You just never seem to be in the mood anymore. Your friends don't really know what's going on with you, but they don't care enough to figure it out... so there you are, just wishing life would hurry up and get to the good part. Your life is crumbling, stress is eating at you... school sucks. Your parents nag you about that "B" you got on your report card, and no matter how hard you try, you can never please them. Or anyone else for that matter. Not even yourself. When you look in the mirror, you see ugly and fat. You hate the way you look and there are so many things you would like to change. Your nose, your hair, your skin. You see pictures of beautiful girls with beautiful bodies and think to yourself, why can't that be me? And then you think about what a perfect life she must have because she's beautiful. The guys must fawn over her, and she probably gets anything she wants. If you had that life, maybe you would be happy too. But no, you're stuck with the most dysfunctional, unsupportive family in the world and there's nothing you can do about it, because you're stuck with them for the rest of your life. You hate to admit it, but you dream of moving across the country, maybe even across the globe. Starting somewhere new, maybe it'll all change. Maybe you'll be happy there. It's a sad thought that you would leave everything in an instant, but it's true isn't it? You've been planning summer since school started and you keep thinking that as time goes on, things will get better, but not yet. "Better" is still a long ways away. Right now, you're curled up in your room on your laptop. Your "happy" place. But you're not really happy. You're never really happy anymore. Not even the things you used to love cheer you up. People just irritate you, and you prefer antisocialism. It's easier that way. But the truth is, I know you. Wanna know why? This is me.
You're the girl who was so happy, then crashed. You used to love life, trying new things, rolling on the floor laughing, but now you lock yourself in your room because you don't want to be with people. Your schedule is always empty, but when your friends call, you say you're too busy.You just never seem to be in the mood anymore. Your friends don't really know what's going on with you, but they don't care enough to figure it out... so there you are, just wishing life would hurry up and get to the good part. Your life is crumbling, stress is eating at you... school sucks. Your parents nag you about that "B" you got on your report card, and no matter how hard you try, you can never please them. Or anyone else for that matter. Not even yourself. When you look in the mirror, you see ugly and fat. You hate the way you look and there are so many things you would like to change. Your nose, your hair, your skin. You see pictures of beautiful girls with beautiful bodies and think to yourself, why can't that be me? And then you think about what a perfect life she must have because she's beautiful. The guys must fawn over her, and she probably gets anything she wants. If you had that life, maybe you would be happy too. But no, you're stuck with the most dysfunctional, unsupportive family in the world and there's nothing you can do about it, because you're stuck with them for the rest of your life. You hate to admit it, but you dream of moving across the country, maybe even across the globe. Starting somewhere new, maybe it'll all change. Maybe you'll be happy there. It's a sad thought that you would leave everything in an instant, but it's true isn't it? You've been planning summer since school started and you keep thinking that as time goes on, things will get better, but not yet. "Better" is still a long ways away. Right now, you're curled up in your room on your laptop. Your "happy" place. But you're not really happy. You're never really happy anymore. Not even the things you used to love cheer you up. People just irritate you, and you prefer antisocialism. It's easier that way. But the truth is, I know you. Wanna know why? This is me.
When I look in the
mirror
I see who I've become. I'm fake. My whole life, really. I pretend that everything's okay. I pretend that I can handle whatever is going on, but most of the time I just don't tell anyone what's going on. I worry constantly. About everything. And all I see are huge thighs and a face covered in makeup trying to cover what was there. I pretend I'm fun and loud and friendly, when on the inside I feel like crumbling. But no one knows.
I see who I've become. I'm fake. My whole life, really. I pretend that everything's okay. I pretend that I can handle whatever is going on, but most of the time I just don't tell anyone what's going on. I worry constantly. About everything. And all I see are huge thighs and a face covered in makeup trying to cover what was there. I pretend I'm fun and loud and friendly, when on the inside I feel like crumbling. But no one knows.