Beautiful Summer #41
I felt Ryan shifting around the whole night, he wasnt comfortable. And he was coughing even more. He was really sick. I never heard mom or either of the boys come inside. I felt like we hadnt had any family time since we got here, but maybe thats what this summer was about. Living for ourselves. At least thats what it felt like. The booming of thunder woke me up around 2:30 am, Ryan seemed to cough himself awake. "Umm, you really dont sound good. Do you want to go to the hospital?" i was really worried. "No." He said looking down at his hands before he grabbed mine in his and pulled me in for a hug. "I don't want to leave this bed today, i just want to lay here" i said smiling. "I'm totally okay with that" I said laughing. I heard Apollos nails as he walked across the wood floor and pushed his head to open the door before jumping at the foot of my bed. So i just stayed there, i didnt mind it. The storm slowed but the rain still slammed hard onto the roof. I could see the light on my phone blinking red, missed text messages. But I just wasnt interested in them.
I liked having Ryan next to me, i finally felt safe. He gave me a sense of security i have never felt with anyone else. And he loved me. The deployment would be hard, i knew that. But we would get through it, and when he came home it would be hard to leave eachothers sides. I caught myself thinking that it would be great if Dad was still around to apporove of him, because as far as i know besides him walking out on us he was a pretty decent guy. Maybe he would find a way back into my life again, just maybe. The summers we had when i was younger he never failed to love us or take us out and play with us. I remember him always being there, to hug me when i cut my foot on a broken shell, or to help me get the salt water taffy mess out of my hair, he never failed to love us uncoditionally. Then why did he just drop us and go, he had to have loved us. He had to have felt something when he left, didnt he?
"You miss him don't you" I heard Ryan said leaning his hand on his head
"Hmm, what?" I said not fully paying attention
"Your thinking about your dad arent you?" He said looking deep into my eyes.
"Yeah, i really miss him. And i wonder if he ever thinks about me. Or if he forgot about me and i became just another ditch in his road to life" I said feeling my eyes tear
"Hailey, of course he loves you. He may have walked away but that doesnt mean he doesnt care about you. He would just have to be down right stupid to forget about such a beautiful daughter. We can't always answer everything in life, but i can promise you one thing. Your Dad, he really loved you. Look at that picture" He said pointing to the of Daddy and I on the beach "Do you see how his eyes sparkle when he looks at you? Hailey i can promise you one thing,
Since the day he left not a day has gone by that he hasnt thought about you."
I cried, and he held me.
Maybe there was a reason he didnt stick around, but i guess i'll never know.
Share
Post to Facebook
Tweet on Twitter
