I have been trying to feel the "ground thunder below my feet"

I have been trying to feel the "ground thunder below my feet" for so long now, that I can feel my life fading away. I've let it slip almost voluntarily, trying to find a way to keep everything from leaking through the spaces between my fingers. It's useless, and I've finally found that out.

The things that used to excite me, now bore me. And I am aware that people call this depression, but it doesn't feel like I'm sad, I'm honestly just completely and utterly empty.

I feel happy some moments, but then they just slip out of my grasp, and I fall back to painful dullness that reduce numbing aches for something new again. I overthink life; I don't know how to take it, and experience it.

I have the desire to feel intensely again.