Eli22b

I Can't Stand


I can't stand being alone.
I can't stand standing alone.

I can't stand the momentary bliss of happiness that is there before the pain and loneliness come crashing back like the waves of a raging tsunami.

I can't stand the howling winds that echo words in my skull, driving them into my brain.

I can't stand the arrows of words that lodge themselves into my heart and my soul.

I can't stand swallowing the screams of despair as they suck the air from my lungs and suffocate me inside my own body.

I can't stand waiting for the flow of tears that refuse to fall, leaving my eyes dry and empty.

I can't stand the anger that vibrates in my finger tips and toes, or the touch of it on my tongue before it's gone, replaced with again, pain.

I can't stand being the one mistake, the one difference, in a world full of perfections and spot-ons.

I can't stand being the torn shirt shoved to the back of the rack, the one everyone refuses to buy.

I can't stand being surrounded by the same four walls every night for fear of facing the ones who rip me apart with their knowing.

I cant stand the words they rarely whipser, but still strike a cord deep within me.

I can't stand the words I say to myself every night because I can't believe the kindness of a friend or stranger.

I can't stand it.
I can't stand it.
I can't stand it.

But most of all, I can't stand being myself in a world where yourself isn't someone you want to be.
 

By me.