I'm Max Jacob Zlatos. I was born 9th January 1997. I live in
England, with my mum, stepdad and older brother, Finn.
When I was 2 years of age, my parents separated. My mother
got very depressed. Every night she'd lock
herself up in the bathroom and take all sorts of drugs... My
brother says this went on for about 6 months, until she realised
that she didnt need to get high to be happy... She just needed me,
my brother and my sister, Austin. My mum was starting to find it
hard to keep up with rent and still put food on the table, so one
of her friends moved in with us. My mum managed to get a job for
during the week, while her friend worked weekends... This man my
mum was renting a room out to used to abuse e and my two older
siblings. Both me and my brother have scars all over our bodies
from where this man would beat us. It was horrible, I've never
been through anything so traumatising in my life. We had to deal
with this 5 days a week for 5 years, until he stopped paying rent
and my mum kicked him out..
My older brother and sister are Twins. Finn Peter Zlatos and Austin
Rae Zlatos. Finn was 20 this year, and Austin would have
been.
My sister committed suicide when she was 15. Her room is still
decorated the way she left it. Clothes still in her wardrobe. Bed
made. Walls still covered in posters. It's been this way for 5
years and 3 days. She left a letter, doesn't really explain
much:-
My names Austin.
You may know me as the confident girl who's not afraid of
anything, or that girl with the big smile -I've been called
that one a lot actually.
Well, if you really knew me..you'd know that it's all an
act. A big mask coving up how I actually feel. You ask me how I
feel, and a load of different words spring into mind, but I
only choose one. "I'm fine." But I'm
not.
My life hasn't exactly been like a dream. I've been using
self harm as a way too take away the pain for 3 years
now.
But lets be honest, my name, and who I am as a person doesn't
matter because I'm no longer here.
I'd like to thank a few people:
Oliver Sykes, Matt Nicholls, Matt Kean, Lee Malia and Jona
Weinhofen - the members of Bring Me The Horizon. Without the
comfort of their music I'd be lost
Mitch Lucker, Chris Garza, Mark Heylun, Alex Lopez and Dan Kenny -
the members of Suicide Silence. Again, without the comfort of their
music i would be well and truly lost.
Max and Finn - I love you..
Youre all the biggest inspirations of my life
...but now it's over
Sorry and goodbye
This note is hidden behind pictures on my wall. Those three words
are all I need "I love you.."
The other day I heard that Bring Me The Horizon were doing a CD
signing to set off their new album Sempiternal.
Im not the biggest fan of their music, but I had to meet them. For
Austin.
I took her suicide note with me. I met the band last, after
everyone had gone.. I had never been so scared in my life. I was
standing infront of one of the only things that made my sister
happy.
Each band member read it - even Jordan, who wasn't part of the
band when my sister was alive -, and each band member shed a
tear...I'm not joking. I don't think it's possible to
keep track of how many times Oli said he was sorry. Sorry he
hadn't met he for him self. Sorry he hadn't known of her
existence. Sorry for not being able to do anything. But he did. He
kept her happy, for all I know he could of stopped her committing
earlier. I owe everything to him. To the band.