significance

You will love him to ruins

I know I am not even close to being pretty, or thin but will someone please fall in love with me and actually care about me? nobody cares about me anymore and all I want is someone who does...

I can't do this anymore

Im slowly falling apart...

I can't do this anymore

Everyday you wake up to the same bloody question, Is today the day I die? Death is on your heals baby and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. Part of you wants it, no need to stop the fear and uncertainty because a part of you is a little bit in love with it. Death is you're art, you make it with you're hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know what's it like? Where does it lead you? Now you see that's the secret, not the punches you throw or the kicks you land, it's if you want it. Every one has a death wish, even you. The only reason you have lasted as long as you had is because you have ties to the world. Your mom, brat kid sister, scoobies. They don't really tie you here they just put it off. Sooner or later you're gonna want it, the second that happens you know ill be there, ill slip in and have myself a real good day. ~Spike from Buffy the vampire slayer

Honestly you say you know but you dont. You dont know the feeling of utter and complete self-hate You dont know the feeling of not being wanted by everyone. The feeling of being surrounded by skinny, beautiful , wanted people. Then there's me. The one who everyone can care less about. The one who nobody likes, but has to invite everywhere. So dont tell me you know that feeling. Because I do.

Ok wittians this is basically just a huge rant so you should probably just ignore it. Anyway i needed somewhere, where i can vent my feelings and this seems to be the spot. Basically i just feel alone all the time now and its probably the worst feeling ever and i dont know what to do. My two best friends are in love and im happy for them but at the same time i absolutly hate it. I miss when we could all three hang out and be awkward but now if i hang out with them im terrifed ill turn into a third wheel. Its not something i can stop from happening if i hang out with them so i decided to not hang out with just the two of them together and now i feel like they both pretty much hate me (wonderful feeling). I have gone 3 months now without cutting and im insanely proud of that, but now feelings are coming up again of wanting to cut and i have no idea where they're coming from and i dont know what to do. Ill stay strong but i dont know how long i can stay strong. That felt good to get off my chest, Thanks witty.

Stop putting me on a shelf for when you decide you want me again