This is gonna sound so stupid but you know what its the truth

This is gonna sound so stupid but you know what its the truth and I kind of need to get it out even though I'm kind of so scared if admitting it. Recently - hell, maybe just this moment, maybe three years ago - it really got to me how amazing life is with the fact that you can fall in love and experience something as warm as that, that you can have friendships and create bonds that traverse harsh words and long distances and troubles in your life, that you have the opportunity to go out and really do whatever the hell you want to be that medicine or volunteering or painting or coffee making or travelling or nothing at all, that you can change someone else's life and change yours whenever you want and if you try hard enough you can leave your mark on the world -- it kind of hit me seriously amazing and lucky and huge and vast and scary and beautiful and untouchable life is and how I'm living it and it just okay I'll admit it, it scares the living daylights out of me. I'm scared to START because what if I do it wrog and what if I mess up and what if its not as great as I'd hoped but now I'm so terrifed I'll miss out because of this stupid feeling I have that I DO NOT DESERVE IT. That's so stupid I know but I just I haven't done anything amazing, I haven't done a thing that I feel so proud of I could cry, and I kind of feel that okay fine I don't deserve to have such a good shot at... At living, I don't know. But this is me, writing in words that from now on, starting this damn minute, I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna be brave even though I am so so so scared. I'll study what I want to, I'll say what I want, love who I will. I will fight for what I want because I get one short shot at living and even if I screw it up I'm gonna move on and I'm gonna try. I won't hold back for fear of failing or letting myself down, because you know what, I want to succeed and be loved and be special and fall in love and fight as hard as I can. I'm stronger than that, or I will be, or I don't need to be. Whatever. This is me saying I vow that from this moment on, I will give this crazy battle called life my best shot. I need to. I will.
Let's get started. (I am so scared. And excited. And so so scared.)
I will give it my all.
I'll be brave.