When I was younger...
Between
ages 12 and 15, I
was really unhappy.
And I was convinced it would always be that way.
1. I was struggling with depression.
2. My relationship with my parents was toxic.
3. I was self-harming in various ways.
4. I was starving myself for days at a time.
5. I was dealing with a lot of anger issues.
6. Once, I tried to kill myself.
7. I and stopped trying with school.
8. I lied compulsively.
9. I felt like I had no real friends.
10. I used the internet as an escape.
11. I genuinely felt like I hated myself.
12. I gave up on my faith.
13. I made myself throw up meals.
14. I almost ran away from home.
15. I stopped talking to my family.
I seriously thought it would always be like that. There was no light at the end
of the tunnel. No amazing friend or soulmate to pull me through it. No counselling,
no therapy, no support. Nobody knew the full story. They were the hardest four years of my life.
But you know what?
I'm seventeen now. And I very rarely think of that time at all. When I do think
of it, I can only remember the good things, things that I couldn't see were so important:
holidays I loved; memories with my little brother; talking online with my best friend;
obsessing over the weather and drawing a billion charts for no reason at all. The depression,
the pain, the darkness -- that's all really fuzzy. It's kind of like a dream, and if I hadn't gone
through it myself, I wouldn't look at who I am now and believe that it really happened.
Because not one thing on that list applies to me anymore. I'm happy. I love my family more
than anything. I have hobbies I obsess over, friends I would take a bullet for. I'm completely
happy with how I look and the fact that I'm overweight (secretely because my younger
siblings say it makes me really comfortable to sleep on during long car journeys).
The point is... I went through that. I thought it would never stop being like that,
but it did, and I did get better, and now I'm really happy with who I am and where I am.
I got better. It ended. So I hope anyone who's reading this right now (for whatever reason)
understands that if they're going through what feels like hell, and they can't see the way out:
It doesn't last forever, you'll get through this,
& you will be okay. ♥
And I was convinced it would always be that way.
1. I was struggling with depression.
2. My relationship with my parents was toxic.
3. I was self-harming in various ways.
4. I was starving myself for days at a time.
5. I was dealing with a lot of anger issues.
6. Once, I tried to kill myself.
7. I and stopped trying with school.
8. I lied compulsively.
9. I felt like I had no real friends.
10. I used the internet as an escape.
11. I genuinely felt like I hated myself.
12. I gave up on my faith.
13. I made myself throw up meals.
14. I almost ran away from home.
15. I stopped talking to my family.
I seriously thought it would always be like that. There was no light at the end
of the tunnel. No amazing friend or soulmate to pull me through it. No counselling,
no therapy, no support. Nobody knew the full story. They were the hardest four years of my life.
But you know what?
I'm seventeen now. And I very rarely think of that time at all. When I do think
of it, I can only remember the good things, things that I couldn't see were so important:
holidays I loved; memories with my little brother; talking online with my best friend;
obsessing over the weather and drawing a billion charts for no reason at all. The depression,
the pain, the darkness -- that's all really fuzzy. It's kind of like a dream, and if I hadn't gone
through it myself, I wouldn't look at who I am now and believe that it really happened.
Because not one thing on that list applies to me anymore. I'm happy. I love my family more
than anything. I have hobbies I obsess over, friends I would take a bullet for. I'm completely
happy with how I look and the fact that I'm overweight (secretely because my younger
siblings say it makes me really comfortable to sleep on during long car journeys).
The point is... I went through that. I thought it would never stop being like that,
but it did, and I did get better, and now I'm really happy with who I am and where I am.
I got better. It ended. So I hope anyone who's reading this right now (for whatever reason)
understands that if they're going through what feels like hell, and they can't see the way out:
It doesn't last forever, you'll get through this,
& you will be okay. ♥
(I think this is the most personal quote
I've ever written. I hope it helps
someone.)
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But it's good to hear that you overcame it <3
And I have stopped to starve myself