They say there are
five stages of grief to go through when something
dies.
As our friendship crumpled, I felt that.
I was in denial for a while. I refused to believe that we were growing apart, that the not-talking-accidentally was beginning to span more than a few days, but weeks upon weeks; months. I ignored the problem, let the anger and fear fester in me as it became darker and deeper and uglier -- until I couldn't handle it anymore.
The fury took me over -- at you, in the cruel words I threw at you that you really didn't need to hear; and in the sanctions I placed over myself, not letting anyone into my heart again; not trusting myself to trust. God, I was so angry. And that anger, that rage at you and me the world and its oceans -- that was so toxic, and so dangerous. And I hurt you so much; too much. You didn't try to stop me. That's what I did to you. (To us.)
The pleading -- oh, it hurts to even think about. Begging, urging, shouting, screaming, bartering and bargaining time and effort and thoughts and love that should never be promised away. It was like breaking something made of glass, pushing it together, drowning it in water and forcing it to stick together -- but the tighter I held, the more shards broke off.
You fell back into depression. I refused to accept that I was slipping, too. Silence didn't help. The anger dug the graves deeper and was lost on the way; the begging fell into murmuring, into silence, into resentment and regret.
It takes two people to break a relationshp apart, and two to build it anew. Our friendship is precious. You are precious. Even if we never get there again, know that you helped a twelve year old girl heal herself. You put the band-aids on my childhood wounds. You taught me to walk again. You made me smile after bad days. You gave me courage. You opened my eyes to the world; all the opportunities, chances, miracles, tragedies, colours-- you gave me that sight. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I will keep reaching my hand forward, and keep hoping that one day, you will turn around again. Thank you. Thank you.
As our friendship crumpled, I felt that.
I was in denial for a while. I refused to believe that we were growing apart, that the not-talking-accidentally was beginning to span more than a few days, but weeks upon weeks; months. I ignored the problem, let the anger and fear fester in me as it became darker and deeper and uglier -- until I couldn't handle it anymore.
The fury took me over -- at you, in the cruel words I threw at you that you really didn't need to hear; and in the sanctions I placed over myself, not letting anyone into my heart again; not trusting myself to trust. God, I was so angry. And that anger, that rage at you and me the world and its oceans -- that was so toxic, and so dangerous. And I hurt you so much; too much. You didn't try to stop me. That's what I did to you. (To us.)
The pleading -- oh, it hurts to even think about. Begging, urging, shouting, screaming, bartering and bargaining time and effort and thoughts and love that should never be promised away. It was like breaking something made of glass, pushing it together, drowning it in water and forcing it to stick together -- but the tighter I held, the more shards broke off.
You fell back into depression. I refused to accept that I was slipping, too. Silence didn't help. The anger dug the graves deeper and was lost on the way; the begging fell into murmuring, into silence, into resentment and regret.
It takes two people to break a relationshp apart, and two to build it anew. Our friendship is precious. You are precious. Even if we never get there again, know that you helped a twelve year old girl heal herself. You put the band-aids on my childhood wounds. You taught me to walk again. You made me smile after bad days. You gave me courage. You opened my eyes to the world; all the opportunities, chances, miracles, tragedies, colours-- you gave me that sight. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I will keep reaching my hand forward, and keep hoping that one day, you will turn around again. Thank you. Thank you.
Shall We
make this winter the time when we
try to recapture what so many people miss
about 'old' witty? I know it's a
lot to ask, and it's probably not going to work
'cause it's a really hard
thing to do, but I think it's
worth a
shot. This website has grown a
lot, in a lot of really great ways. But something
that I
miss about how witty used to be is
the close, strong, special
friendships. I've never had that on
here. But I know users I love,
respect, and want to know
more
about. I know users I want to talk with more, who I
want to know better.
But that hasn't happened yet: and
why? Because I have
issues
with letting people in and trusting them, and I'm
scared
of getting myself hurt in
unbalanced friendships and
long-distance
screw-ups. I was in denail
for a while, but I've come to a point where I can
accept these problems about myself--
and I can work on overcoming them.
So I'm going to stop retreating into isolation
when something goes wrong, and keeping the
real
things that bother me locked inside so
no-one can tell me I'm
wrong. I'm done with staying
silent when someone reaches out a
hand, and with pushing good people away out of fear
that one day, it could go
wrong. I'm done with forcing
myself to be alone. So it's time to
answer, and explain, and open up. Vulnerability is
scary, but...
I w o n ' t h i d e a n y m o r e .
♥
Confussion 2- I DON'T think bullying is cool. I find Bullying stupid.Bullying makes you look like a douche. No one should have to feel like they don't "fit it".
~LETS MAKE A CHANGE AND STOP BULLYING!
14.
I don't really like who you've become. You keep telling me how I've changed, but I think you're the one who happily let them ruin you.
You are not the girl I used to know. Your refusal to listen when I tell you that is evidence for it.
Something's got to give.
I don't really like who you've become. You keep telling me how I've changed, but I think you're the one who happily let them ruin you.
You are not the girl I used to know. Your refusal to listen when I tell you that is evidence for it.
Something's got to give.
13.
Talking to you rarely makes me feel good about myself -- or about anything. You're too selfish, too self-involved, and too lazy to do anything about things you don't like. You just wallow in self-pity and misery all the time, and then try to make me feel bad for telling you what a negative force you've become in hopes of helping you.
Talking to you rarely makes me feel good about myself -- or about anything. You're too selfish, too self-involved, and too lazy to do anything about things you don't like. You just wallow in self-pity and misery all the time, and then try to make me feel bad for telling you what a negative force you've become in hopes of helping you.
12.
Please, God, don't let me fall any deeper. (I want to know him better.)
Please, God, don't let me fall any deeper. (I want to know him better.)
11.
Your human flaws intrigue me... Your work ethic is backwards, your theological thinking is blinded, and you have relationship tunnel vision. But I loved talking to you. I loved making you laugh. I loved that moment when I sat beside you and suddenly realised that despite your cold attitude, your arm beside mine was so warm.
I want to know you better.
Your human flaws intrigue me... Your work ethic is backwards, your theological thinking is blinded, and you have relationship tunnel vision. But I loved talking to you. I loved making you laugh. I loved that moment when I sat beside you and suddenly realised that despite your cold attitude, your arm beside mine was so warm.
I want to know you better.
