Best Woops Quotes Today

Elise
Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
Like • Comment • 17 minutes ago

do you ever rip off a piece of your lip with your teeth and swallow it and realize you just ate yourself 

     Me playing guitar

     Alone
          Me: *plays beatutifully*
          Me: Wow if only a professional could hear this.
          Me: Like Billie Joe Armstrong
          Me: Or SLASH.

     In front of people
          Me: And I umm.. *strums wrong chord* I promise that
          Me: Wait that was the wrong note.
          Me: that
          Me: that
​          Me: that
​          Me: No I think I do an A Minor chord now.
          Kid in audience: Mommy I want to go home.

     On recording
          Me: *plays beautifully*
          My thoughts: Wow this is going really well, Charlie.
          Finger: *slips and awkwardly positions itself*
          My thoughts: Ow, why does my finger hurt?
          Me: *looks at finger*
          Me out loud: OH MY GOD MY FINGER IS BLEEDING WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE WRONG
          Me out loud: I'VE NEVER FELT SUCH PAIN
          Me out loud: WHERE ARE THERE BANDAIDS
          Me out loud: I NEED A HELLO KITTY BANDAID STAT!!!
          Me: *looks at computer*
          Computer: *recording*
          Me: Sh.t

Guy: I have abs
Me: I have a thigh gap
Guy: Huh?
Me: I thought we were naming unnessecary things that society has drilled into our minds that make us their kind of beautiful. 
Guy: No, really. I have abs. *shows his stomach* 
Me: oh.